you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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