she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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