i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
