At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize