Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
