you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
