She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
