I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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