Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
