did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
