Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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