no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
