You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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