Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
