pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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