What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I stole a fireplace last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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