Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry The_BOB hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(320): View more from Minnesota

If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?

Fav 32 1945 895
share tweet
(415): View more from California

How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

Fav 27 1927 4025
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(269): View more from Michigan

He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

Fav 21 5851 2192
share tweet
(804): View more from Virginia

it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate

Fav 18 2177 5056
share tweet
(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.

Fav 9 4094 1071
share tweet
(206): View more from Washington

My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

Fav 51 1253 11030
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(252): View more from North Carolina

i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.

Fav 8 2138 890
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.

Fav 0 46 20
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(423): View more from Tennessee

Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol

Fav 0 26 49
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT