Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Randomize
