my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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