Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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