There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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