oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize