I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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