Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
