im drinking this country out of the recession.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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