in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
