I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize