i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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