in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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