The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He felt like a one man threesome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
