You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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