Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
