I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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