If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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