maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize