whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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