He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
