Define "chronic" masturbator.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
