If i come over, it means nothing
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
