i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
