People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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