You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
