So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
