I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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