Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
