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party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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