Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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