Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
