I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
