He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
