she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He felt like a one man threesome
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
