i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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