She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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