Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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