the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
