I bet he comes in French.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They have beer where we have blood.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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