I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
