Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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